He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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