So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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