I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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