You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
