i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We have started to decorate penises.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
