He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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