i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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