dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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