Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
