I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
