Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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