I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
