I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
