Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
