I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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