those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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