u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
