i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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