You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
