I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
