Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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