So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
