i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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