His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
