But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
