3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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