She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
