i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
