I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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