I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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