I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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