yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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