I don't think brook has ever known best
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
