matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize