Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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