she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
