Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
