i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
