Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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