# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
