I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize