I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
