my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
