I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
