i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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