I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
