my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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