Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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