I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
