All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize