You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
