very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
