so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
