god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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