everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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