I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
