my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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