You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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