Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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