32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
