Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
