your room smells of hookers.
And success
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
