...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
