today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I FOUND THE LEGS
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
