i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
should my penis look like a turkey
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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