what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just high enough for therapy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
