YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
