I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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